Sunday, January 07, 2007

Melancholia

I have a touch of melancholia tonight. I like that word, melancholia. Not depression, that is too clinical, too permanent. Melancholia, sadness for sadness' sake. I am not sure where the melancholia comes from. I have hibernated all day, doing very little out of the house. It was sunny, not freezing, but with a blustery wind. No reason to be out. I even eschewed my regular walk, but that may have been a mistake...

Tonight, I am listening to KDAV, oldies from the 50s and 60s. Very melancholy music. Lounge music, suitable to listen to while holding onto a drink, sitting near the piano player, in a lounge or nightclub. Also, good fireplace music, but, alas, I have no inside fireplace...

I am content with being here, being nested and nestled up. Enjoying the company of the girls. But, feeling an emptyness, a sadness.

I am thinking about the Sunday evenings of my younger days: Before Uncle Voss lived with us, he would come by on Sunday nights to use the dictionaries, working on the crossword puzzles. Sunday night was mellow: maybe we had been for a ride earlier. But the evening itself was companionable... Waiting for Gunsmoke, and Candid Camera, getting ready for the coming week.... Just quiet.

Later years, we frequently had sandwich meals on Sunday night, and the Reeds joined us... Not always sandwiches, but that kind of food. Also, companionalbe.

Ken and I generally did Sunday supper: A product of both his upbringing and mine, when family would gather. Family, in our case, was whatever friends dropped by or were invited.

For a time, when I was with Bob, we had "Sunday dinner." Regularly, predictably, a big meal. Gator got so he knew we were cooking, and regularly joined us with his friends. It was a pleasant, mellow time. I think it was good for Bob and Gator to have the ritual.....

At Chet's it was mellow, too. He had music as much as TV. I forget to have music, and turn on mindless TV, when music would be better... An important lesson....

And, I like the indirect lighting. No ceiling lights, although the house has them... I like the indirect lighting better. It is softer, gentler...

I frequently have such yearnings for times that were: cross country trips, fireworks, camping, bonfires, box burnings... They are all gone now... I have to make new traditions for me..

I am listening to Elvis "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" and it brings an ache to my heart, but it is a good ache....

Melancholia, it is a good word. As you may know, I like words....

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