It's Not As Simple as it Seems

For those of you who are MountainWings recipients, today the posting was about their server problems, and the fact changing out the server and getting the daily postings out was not as simple as it seems, as is true for many things in life.

Yet, in my line of work, as a social worker in a psychiatric prison, one of the things I repeatedly tell people is that what we teach them about self care is deceptively simple, too amazingly simple to sound good enough to be helpful...


And, yet it is helpful, and effective. One of the first things we teach patients when they come into the unit is about self care skills: We start with the basics: nutrition, hygiene, sleep, exercise, medication and treatment compliance. It is amazingly, deceptively simple, but it really lays a good foundation for more involved coping skills, including other behavior and thinking changes, such as relaxation skills, stress management and anger management techniques....


And, because the self care skills are so simple, many of our patients disregard their potential for being beneficial or disregard their importance. Yet, over and over again, when I can convince someone to start taking better care of themselves, they notice an improvement right away. Not a cure, just a better sense of well being...


So, this is one instance that life is truly simpler than it seems. It is not a panacea, but a basic foundation for more changes and improvements that are not as simple as they seem, and, as I am frequently told by patients, changes that are "easier said than done." But changes that can be less stressful when someone has a basically positive self care routine.....

watching war

I have been watching war movies a great deal lately. It might be about the United States Independence Day celebration, it might be about what is available to watch, it is definitely about what I have the patience to sit through.



Why do I have the patience to sit through the particular selections I have seen? I think it is about being in foxholes: when human beings experience very difficult conditions, they experience a connection or tie with those around them.. Recently having posted about this "connection" experience, maybe the connections I see in the movies are important to me right now....


Most specifically, I have watched the majority of the segments of "The Revolution." One of the connections that touched me was how did these men come up with the idea of this new country? How did they put it together to make it work. I know there was some trial and error, but still, how did this come to pass?


Additionally, how did they dare? There was no governmental superstructure that compelled them to join an army and rebel...Once the army was formed, what made people join; and amidst all the deprivation, what made people stay?


I forget that the war lasted for as long as it did: The Boston Tea Party was in 1773, the actual armed conflict began in April, 1775, with the final real battle at Yorktown in 1781. It took two more years before the peace negotiations were finalized, and the British finally left New York City in 1783. Of course, some of the elongation of these events had to do with the distances involved and the time it took to travel those distances...And the seasonality of conflict. But six years of armed hostilities is a long, long time....


The second series I saw, for not the first time, was "Band of Brothers," based on the European theater during World War II... As you recall, although the hostilities began in 1939, the United States did not actually enter the war until late 1941. The fighting in Europe was horrendous, and many people, soldiers and civiilian survivors, returned from war deeply scarred. As I grew up, I recall not always hearing about the horrors of war, but about the commraderie that was present between the troops. There was much made of the lasting bonds, if not lasting friendships, between soldiers. We know, from psychological studies, that sharing times of privation can cement, if not actually create, those bonds.... Those bonds were celebrated, not as positives about the war, but positives about the human spirit.


And, most recently, I watched "Letters from Iwo Jima." It is said that it is a better movie than "Flags of Our Fathers," and I would agree. While "Flags" was a good story, well told, it was not as gripping nor personal as "Letters from Iwo Jima." Nor did the "heros" have quite the depth and quality of character that the Japanese soldiers portrayed. "Flags" is a good reminder that our country sometimes makes heros and then tosses them aside, ready for the next hero. And, good reminder that what this country values in its heros is not always the stuff of a prolonged admiration.

The characters portrayed in "Letters" however, were portrayed as much more thoughtful about their role and duty. Not every soldier wanted to be present. Not every person was violent for violence sake. But they were engaged in a solemn, patriotic duty no matter the prospect for the outcome. Sometimes, when I see stories about Americans, it seems they enter into the thick of things only when they have an almost false sense of unreal optimism about the outcome.


There was no such false optimism during The American Revolution. There was no such false optimism during The War Between the North and the South, another war of bitter privation and tribulation, pitting families against each other, as well as governing entities of one nation....



I am troubled, however, by some of the more recent undertakings by the United States government: War seems to be initiated for reasons of a dubious nature. Leaders show little moral character. Troops are not expected to behave with moral character... There is no apparent plan for completion and peace except what appears to be a plan for total destruction of a way of life, and oh, by the way, we need to reinstate the natives and we can not totally destroy them, their country and their way of life...


And, we do not take care of our heroes: the fighting soldiers are not as well equipped as they need to be, and the returning soldiers, especially the wounded, are sometimes having to struggle to be tended to... Is the gratitude of a country, in the form of "GI" benefits, a thing of the past? Apparently, so....


I do appreciate the stories of connectedness, camaraderie, character.


So, why do I watch war... I think we learn from our history and our past, and I am trying to find some sense about why hostilities.... what makes heroes.... what is our destiny? But, why do I watch war?

Connecting, connecting

Connecting. That really is what blogging is all about, isn't it? Connecting? I think so. Even though we are isolated in our own little microcosms of cyberspace, we want to be connected with other microcosms, so we blog.....

Today was an especially bad day. I work in a world of very needy, sick and not so sick psychiatric patients. I have some really great coworkers, but some, heh.... It is a stressful job, and takes its toll on me, more than I am willing to admit. Recently, the physical toll, the cold blowing air on my bones, which are always cold anyway, has exacerbated my physical pain. And, it makes wanting to be at work and stay at work harder. But, then, something happens, and I can see a glimmer. I like candles. Maybe that is important because the candle watt power of the glimmer I see is often equivalent to a birthday candle.... but it is there...and, after all, a birthday candle is a symbol of birth and rebirth, and that is what I am hoping for amongst these patients....

But, what made today even harder was a trip to the hairdresser whom I count among my friends and blessings. She has been through some very trying losses these past few months, in the midst of the time when I was experiencing the same. So, normally each of us might reach out to each other, but did not. Today, talking, I think we found mutual solace and understanding that the reaching out was not there for a reason, but the blessing and sentiment were there... We spoke at length, cried tears, shared future concerns...

And, when I left, I felt empty. I ran an errand, spoke to a friend, took care of the home front and found myself running more errands. Home at last, but not settled. Then, out of the blue, a connection from the past:

A dear, former coworker and office mate called: We had played phone tag this spring, and it was time to connect in real time.. It was wonderful to hear his updates, his hopes, his family stories, his fun and work plans... It was a blessing.

This is the third connection this week, the first being my outreach to a friend with whom we walked dogs and chatted daily while all were in the park, and who has long since moved away... (I am not being quite truthful: I regularly speak to a few people, and am not counting those connections. They are not to be assumed, nor taken for granted, nor discounted for their importance, because they are important. Their day to day constancy and presence are more important than I can lay a value to. But, for purposes of this blog, they are not the extraordinary connections about which I am writing tonight.) The second, the hairdresser, and of course, the third, the former coworker.

I am not typically a telephone person, but that has changed over the years, with the advent of first cordless phones and now cell phones with hands free devices.... I hate being on the phone: I have a slight, but slightly worsening, hearing impediment, and find listening on the phone in my left ear is difficult, and uncomfortable in my right ear. The earphone helps, because it does block out the external, extraneous noises... The idea that I have paid for all of these unlimited free minutes makes me want to use them, and use them I do.... I find myself doing everything from yard work, to knitting, to house work, to cooking while enjoying the interchanges on the phone. What a blessed connection.... And, what a revelation: being on a land line to a tethered phone was not my style. It was just too uncomfortable. I could not multi-task which is what I want to do when I am on the phone.... Cordless and hands free, hallelujah!

So, connected I was tonight, in a way I did not anticipate, but in a way I am thoroughly blessed for experiencing. I thank my friend for calling. I thank my friend for answering. I thank my friend for being there.... All three have offered me special gifts this week, special connections of the most blessed kind.... Connections....

I Love My Back Yard

Years ago, when I lived in this house with Mack, I used to say that I loved to hear the grass grow... Mack and I would sit in the back yard and enjoy the quiet calm of the night... So many nights... I recall, one night, when the power went off. Mack and I sat in the back yard, just waiting for the power company to restore service....

Mack is still in my back yard, and now, Sake spends some time there, too. She is more particular about her outings than Mack was: he just wanted to be outside, until he was not feeling well, that last year of his life....

After going through years of turmoil, I am once again learning to listen to the grass grow..The times are different, but the listening is just as important... I can be in the back yard and listen to the grass grow...

I love the bushes, vines, trees and other plants that inhabit my yard.... I love the breeze, the smell, the citronella candles. Tonight, the moon does not show, but it has been bright earlier this week .... I love the sense of "camping out." I am blessed with that sense.....

Life is good.