Is it Only Tuesday?

It was a long day at work today: I was doing chart reviews. I usually do chart reviews on Wednesday or Thursday, so my brain is having some trouble reconciling the fact that it is only Tuesday.

But, I have had to step up my schedule:  Friday all day, I am at a continuing education workshop, which counts for work, but precludes my getting things done at the unit.

So, what needed to happen, happened. It just felt weird.

Where Does Your Gratitude Lay?

Where does your gratitude lay?  I am so thankful. There are so many things for which I am grateful:  I have a good job, with really fine co-workers, supervisors, and a meaningful mission.

I have a home. I have people who care about me: family, friends, colleagues.

I have a relatively safe environment in which to live.

I have pets who offer me companionship and pleasure.

I have a variety of social and interest activities in which I engage.

I enjoy learning. 

I have relatively good health, although my age has slowed me down some.

I live in a country in which my well being and safety is protected as well as can be. The threat of revolt, uprising, violence is minimal at this time.

I live in an age in which technology has improved our lives, made our lives safer, and opened up the world to us. 

I have faith that God is good, takes good care of me and my fellow man, and blesses me in my daily life.

Patience

A co-worker and I were talking about a very good movie that I was not able to force myself to sit through because it has subtitles.  I explained that I am usually multi-tasking when I watch a movie (at home) so subtitles were distressing to me.  I have the opportunity to see the movie in a setting where I would pretty much be just watching the movie, so I am considering it...

My coworker asked me what I do when I go to a movie theater, and I said "Suffer." Which is sort of true.  I am very impatient during the pre-show, announcements, trailers for new releases, etc.  But I am very selective about the movies I go to the theater to watch, and am usually pretty much involved in the story.  But if I am not, I do suffer.

I was re-reading my post from 2-2-11 and realized that both with cooking and watching movies, I do not have much patience. I do not think that is new.  In fact, that has been a hallmark of mine for many years.

One of the hardest things for me to learn, when I went to work at the prison was to be patient:  there are just times during the day when I can not see patients.  There are just times when the officers who bring patients out to see clinicians are too busy to do that part of their job. There is just down time in this job.  It was a most distressing feeling for the longest time, but eventually I learned to slow it down, but also be prepared to do something different when I can not see patients on my schedule.

I Did Not Want To Go To Work Today

I am so rarely overwhelmed by what I face at work that I wake up not wanting to go to work. I wake up not wanting to get out of the warm bed.  I wake up, not wanting to face a cold shower (no more), but not wanting to go to work.

Since my vacation at Christmas time, going to work has been difficult. But this morning, it was down right almost impossible.  I had such an overpowering sense of not making a difference, no matter how hard I tried.

Part of the problem is we are short staffed, although we hope to have a new member to our team soon.  We have had so many people out with vacations and illnesses that the load has been spread fairly heavily.

That being the case, I have had to forgo what I enjoy the most at work. I enjoy the counseling/psychoeducational opportunities I have with patients.  But, this is optional, and has to be put aside when I am busy with treatment team, release planning, and psychosocial evaluations.

Well, today, I do not have my new treatment team list; the patient I needed to interview for a psychosocial evaluation was waiting to be moved from seclusion.  And, I am struggling to help the releasing patients on my caseload.  So, I spent a portion of the day doing psychoeducation.  It made me feel better about my work.  Thank you.

Tired

I used to be able to go all day at work, go home from work, and keep on going and going and going. At one time, some of my acquaintances called me "the Energizer Bunny." 

As the years have progressed, I have noticeably slowed down. Sometimes, now, when I get home from work, I have no energy for anything else.  On those days, I mostly sit and vegetate (read, knit, watch TV.)  I do keep a semi-active calendar, and when I have after work activities, I am able to attend to them.  Some of that is because I conserve myself at work, some of that is because I "psyche" myself to be ready for the activity.

Sometimes, though, no matter how much I want to keep going, I am tuckered out...

Tonight, I am tuckered out.  But, I can understand why.  I look at what I did at work this week, and how many hours I put in.  I look at the after work activities in which I have engaged.  Even so, I am sitting here, at the computer, trying to be productive.

Returning to Work

I usually work extra hard to get ready for a vacation, and then return to work overwhelmed at what I have to catch up on.  Partly due to my current assignment, and partly do some different planning, it was not so bad this time.  

But, returning to work, it took me about 2 and a half hours to catch up on emails and paperwork, before I proceeded to the day's tasks.  However, I was able to get off as planned, in plenty of time to get to the Lady Raider basketball game tonight. 

So, returning to work was not as bad as it could have been.  Thankfully.

Minimum Effort

I have spent a couple of hard weeks at work, and am looking forward to the holidays, with some extra time off.

I have chores to do around the house, but anticipating some days off, I am putting minimum effort into doing household chores...

Having said that, the girls were ready to wake up before the alarm went off at 5:30 this morning... And, I did get up... But I read for about an hour and a half, before I fed breakfast, keeping the breakfast schedule...

I did the minimum chores.  And enjoyed the day.

Lockdown

I work in a prison that is primarily a psychiatric and medical facility, but has a trustee camp which houses offenders who work around the facility and help to keep it running...The hospital part of the prison is considered a transient facility, although we have some patients who have been or will be at the unit until they leave prison or die...

A couple of times a year, and sometimes more often, we are on "lockdown."  Lockdown means that the offenders are confined to their housing, and moved only for medical emergencies...Or, in our case because we are a medical facility, if they are discharged out or admitted to care.  And, because we are a medical facility with a mission of patient care, our wardens have generally kept the lockdown to a short minimum... On a general prison unit, lockdowns can go on for long periods of time, especially if there are racial or gang problems causing a lot of unrest or even violence.  Or, just parts of a facility may be on lockdown.  And, when the great cell phone scandal occurred, we were locked down for quite some time. 

So, it is lockdown...Sometimes, this is a time to catch up and take care of long awaited undone chores. Sometimes, it is busier than a usual work period.  Always, it is boring.  Of all the things I like about my job, I like talking to patients the best.  This is typical for me:  I have always liked talking to my clients, no matter what social work role I have had.  So, although I appreciate the even slower pace of a slow paced environment, I get antsy, bored, and usually find myself having a hard time staying on task...

I have some creative tasks that I can do while we are on lockdown, and that is good...But, I am ready to get back to business as usual.

Lockdown means if we need to speak to a patient, we do it cell side.  We have devised a system of giving patients self report forms so they can confidentially provide us with input regarding their status and care, because obviously, if we re discussing things cell side, every other offender in hearing distance is listening. 

MSNBC Lockup

It might sound strange, but I frequently watch MSNBC Lockup http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27118605/ns/msnbc_tv-documentaries.  Those of you who know me well, know that I work in a psychiatric prison in Texas.  So, why would I want to watch a television documentary about prison?

I do not know... I see a lot of my day to day work situations on TV. Validated. Explained. And, I learn from how other people handle these situations.

I think prisoners are the forgotten Americans: depending on the jurisdiction in which they are incarcerated, their rights and privileges vary, but they are Americans who have few personal freedoms.  Their criminal behavior has put them in this situation. 

Incarceration is to keep them away from society.  Hopefully to give them the time to think about
the error of their ways. And, while they are incarcerated, to keep them from committing additional crimes during that time. And, if they are in a situation that offers it, giving them the opportunity to learn new ways...

Because, unless they have a life sentence or a death penalty, the people who are in prison are going to be out in our society again.  And, if we do not help them while they are in prison, they are certainly going to continue their criminal behavior when they leave prison.

It would do society well to decide that we can invest in some of these people, and try to give them education, information, and habilitation to teach them about being pro-social....  The cost is high, but for every person reached, the return is even higher. 

Changes

I hate changes.  I really want the status quo to prevail.

However, changes happen. 

Especially electronic changes.

At work, we have an electronic medical record.  For the past several months, preparations have been made to update the software of this application... I was honored to be invited to be a point person to help with this:   each unit was asked to designate a representative to spearhead the change, coordinate and disseminate information, and be available to help hands one, when the changed occurred.

When I was asked to do this, I was told that the sole responsibility did not rest on me:  the training coordinator would disseminate training information and track it, as that is his job.  The administrative coordinator would do administrative paperwork and tracking.  The department heads would disseminate department information, and develop departmental strategies to deal with this...

It happened that way, with a few glitches (minor) along the way... I was gratified that the administrator, and my immediate supervisor agreed with me that proactive (extensive, expensive and time consuming) measures needed to be taken in case the transition was not as short termed and smooth as we all hoped.  I have been ongoingly gratified that everyone has done their job, pitched in and made things happen the way they were supposed to.

This has required some time from me, from a couple of hours a week to many hours a week. But I have enjoyed it: I have enjoyed knowing what is going on, I have enjoyed helping people prepare for the process.

As the transition approached, anxious staff have had many questions. I have enjoyed spending time telling them what to expect and assuring them that I was available for help.  Today, a coworker thanked me for that, and said (quite correctly) sometimes help is not available.

The change happens next Sunday and Monday, if all goes well... I hope it does.  We are prepared if it does not.. 

Brain Chatter

I wrote several things the weekend of October 9th. I have not been able to think of any topics the next week…I really think it was because it was a busy week for my brain, and even when I was away from work, I had other things that were occupying my brain (including carryover from work.) When my brain has all this background brain chatter occurring, I can not think creatively.

There really is something to getting away and emptying the brain to allow the creative juices to flow. It really does help to have that quiet time.

The Vacation Lingers

I took a very relaxing, very refreshing three day weekend last weekend.  Usually, when I take a trip, I enjoy the trip but do not necessarily come back refreshed.  First of all, as a child, we did not take a lot of overnight vacations.  And, when we did, they always seemed to be stressful: money was tight, my mom did a lot of the work to get ready and go, and we stayed someplace where my mom had to do meals and housework... So a lot of the emotional atmosphere of the vacation was not leisure but business as usual, or even stressful.

I am very task oriented, so "letting go" on a vacation has been hard for me. I tend to plan trips that require certain itineraries or activities that also put pressure on me.

And, I am so anal about my work, that I feel required to "get ahead," not leave anything for my coworkers who are covering for me, to the extent that I feel obligated to work extra-hard to get ready to go.  When I return, I feel the need to get "caught up" right away...So, I put a lot of pressure on myself at work in regards to preparing for and returning from vacation.

My most recent weekend trip was different:  while I "worked ahead" at work, and did some weekend chores during the week, getting ready to leave town was not that stressful. And returning to work was not stressful.

Mostly, though, the plan for my vacation included some specific activities, but nothing required an exact or compact timeline.  While I like camping trips, I stayed in a motel, and had little maintenance chores to do for myself.   Part of what made the trip so relaxing was that I drove through long stretches of beautiful countryside:  What I think are beautiful prairies and plains, rolling sand hills, canyons small and large, coniferous and aspen forested mountains with babbling brooks or rivers chasing the winding road... Just gorgeous. 

This was one of the most relaxing trips I have ever taken...And, amazingly for me, as the work week progressed, and I found myself dealing with the stressors of the day, I was able to take myself back to that relaxed floating feeling I had while I was away...

I do not recall ever doing that with a vacation before...I wonder if I have had other trips that I could have done that with, but did not...Surely, this is not the FIRST time in my life I had a trip that was that relaxing, that stress-free, that enjoyable...

Special Projects

I am involved in a special project at work, that involves getting information out to staff about a revised computer application system and the training for it... I had planned a day off from work October 1, 2010, which is the first day of training...

Mid-afternoon, the information about the training and the access to the training video became available... The training tracking roster issued to me was not usable, because it was not broken down by department.. So, I took some time to do that, and then, after I had finished my patient work, I took the time to watch the training video... I am bold enough to critique the video and submit unanswered questions the video caused me to have...I take this special project seriously and I hope I can meet the challenge.  

Work Space vs Sleep Space

Because my cats like to sit on the computer desk and even the key board of the computer while I am computering, and because I sometimes like to eat while I computer, I have recently placed a TV tray to the right of my computer chair. 

Frequently, this TV tray is occupied by a cat:  Haiku, who likes to play drop and fetch, or Sake, who generally wants to be petted, or just wants to sleep near where I am.

Tonight, I had lots of paperwork business in conjunction with computer work...Haiku claimed the TV tray, hiding the papers I had spread out... I rescued the papers, and set up yet another TV tray behind my chair, so I could swivel in my chair and work on the TV tray, then turn back to the computer.  At one point, Haiku moved to this second TV tray...I told her to go back, in no uncertain terms, but not unkindly...She understood.

I try to be reasonable about how much space my cats claim where I am trying to work... But I do insist I have enough room to work!

Start Early and Hit the Ground Running

I had an appointment this afternoon, and decided that when it was finished, I would go home, not back to work.  But, I went into work early, having prepared everything I needed to on Wednesday, to "hit the ground running."  Having done so, I was able to accomplish as much in 4 hours as I often spend all day working on.  Part of that has to do with having cooperative coworkers who facilitated my tasks by getting patients in and out of their cells (remember, I work in a psychiatric prison) so I can interview them.

Maybe there is a lesson in this.  I do know that I get impatient doing the preparatory work so when I see patients, I can  just focus and concentrate on that.  Several times lately, I have forced myself to do the preparatory work so that I could just see patients.  It works. Lesson in life.

Energy

Recently, my work load has decreased. (We are short staffed, and I was carrying a big load to cover the uncovered assignments.)  After several days, I have discovered that I have energy to do things after work spontaneously...

Previously, if I had a planned activity, I had to psyche myself to be able to do the activity. I am so much happier to be able to have the energy to do things spontaneously.  What a blessing.

Returning to Work

Today was the first day that I returned to work after being off about a week and a half... I am thankful that I have a job to which I can return... I am reluctant to return to work, wishing I could live the life of a more carefree existence.

But, I am so glad to have a job, and not an unemployment check, or no means of support...So, returning to work is important.  I am thankful I was able to return to work.

Hoarding

I have often explained my inability to throw things away as a genetic disorder, or being anal retentive or both.  But, I was kidding.  However, quite a bit of study has been done on hoarders, and there is some thought that it is a genetically linked disorder.  So, maybe I was not so far from the truth after all.

My parents were savers.  A lot of that was generational, having grown up in the depression era, and in families that were not well to do, but worked hard for what they had. So, my parents were appreciative of material things.  Understandably so.  And, they were recyclers, and savers. Until later in life, when they started cleaning things out.  But even so, there was plenty left when my mom, that last to die, passed away.

Hoarding and saving are different.  Hoarding seems to take saving to an extreme, maybe to the point where it becomes a health hazard.  And, different people hoard different things, although newspapers are often a common item to hoard.  And, some people hoard animals:  you have heard of the people who have so many cats that their house is unsanitary, and they can not afford to feed themselves, because of the expense of feeding the cats...

Well, this week at work, for training, we read some articles about hoarding, which where I learned that there may be something genetically linked to hoarding.  

So, having it be genetic does not give me permission to become a hoarder.... For now, I will say I am a saver, because although I have piles of paper on my desk, and stuff strewn on my dining table, I do not hoard other things, and regularly take my stashes of recyclables to the recycling center...Which, I might add, I find quite cathartic... So, maybe that is hoarding therapy for me.

A Day at My Own Pace

This was actually a very productive day.  I went to a workshop, looked at houses, went to an art gallery, went out to lunch, talked to friends, knitted, cleaned house, and did some paperwork, sending cards and letters.  I even watched a movie and some TV.

But, it was a day at my own pace.  The only things set in time were the workshop and the open houses.  But, with that I was able to just fit everything in.

The difference between this and a day of lazing around in regards to my mental attitude is amazing.  I feel so much more effective, productive and worthwhile...I am a creature who is goal oriented, and when I am lazing along, I tend to get mentally bogged down, and have trouble getting things done.

On the other hand, I was not in a struggle to get too much done, and face the mount of unending and pressing tasks that loom regularly at work... Being my own boss made it very pleasant and enjoyable.

I need more days structured at my own pace.

A 40 Hour Week vs. Results Only Work Environment

I am on salary and expected to work a 40 hour week... I believe as a professional, I have an obligation to work a reasonable amount of time to get done what I think needs to be done... I set myself a task list, what I hope to accomplish for the day.  I set a list of what my patients need, more than what I think I can do in 8 hours. Consequently, I frequently work longer than 40 hours a week. 

Sometimes I do downsize my expectations, so I can leave at a reasonable hour.  And, I plan my days so if I have after work activities, I can reasonably try to leave on time to get home, feed the cats, and get to my after work activities... 

I am blessed that my employer lets me adjust my work hours to some extent, as long as I get my tasks done.  If I want to go in late, leave early, go in early, leave late, or leave in the middle of the day and come back,  it is all okay.  As long as I am present for set activities, and as long as I let someone know what is going on...  And, letting someone know is partly about accountability, but MOSTLY about people knowing who is in a prison, and who is not (safety and security.)

A couple of summers ago, I was having some sleep issues due to some health problems, and frequently ended up going in very late some times.  I slept through my alarm and just did not wake up more than once.  The only things my supervisor asked was that I call when I get up, and I ask my doctor for some help... The help the doc suggested was muscle relaxers.  Not for me...

I heard a story about Results Only Work Environment (ROWE) which emphasized getting results versus what schedule someone works.  It makes so much sense, and is sort of the environment in which I work, although not formally defined.   A great concept.  What they have found is that people actually work more, and are more productive with ROWE....

Hmmmmmmmmm.