A Disquieting Visitor

I suppose I should have written about this last night, but did not. About 9:30 PM last night, a young man came to my front door. He was on his cell phone. He asked very politely if anyone was living in my "back house." He was about 5'6" and had a long face. He was clean shaved, and his head was shaved. He was slim. I told him I do not have one, and he apologized, and left, but asked what street this was. Stupidly, I told him.  (It really is easy to get confused about the streets in this neighborhood.  I sometimes turn down the wrong street, trying to get home, when I am distracted.)

I had the house wide open: the front door was locked, but the windows were up.  I had windows up in the front, sides and back of the house. I immediately closed all those windows except in the bedroom, which I lowered and locked.

The truth be known, I have, from time to time, left the house wide open until the wee hours of the morning. I know this is very unsafe, but I am not able to sleep, and I like the fresh air. I have decided I have to be more security minded.

So, tonight, I closed the house just before writing this.

Paranoia

I have now finished Travels in Siberia  by Ian Frazier http://us.macmillan.com/travelsinsiberia.  One of the author's recurrent themes was paranoia.  When he would get discouraged, disheartened, or just really tired, he would get paranoid.  Initially, when he was travelling in Russia, his command of the language was minimal, so he was left out of a lot of what was happening around him, including what his own fate would be, unless he was with English speaking Russians (and, the truth be known, there are quite a few.)  But he often expressed that he became suspicious and paranoid, not knowing what the plans were and what would happen next.

For much of his journeys, he had a guide, who came well recommended by someone he trusted, and who was in his employ, but seemed to be a little high-handed at times, and did not include him in everything that was transpiring.  It was probably for the best.  I suspect sometimes things were done colloquially and not by the book. And, one of the reasons he hired the guide, was to do just that. But, he had suspicions of the man's character.  Additionally there were long periods of being confined with him, and his helper, in an often unreliable vehicle that the guide procured, as they travelled across Siberia.  My suspicion was that the vehicle was as good as it would get, anyway. But it was not trust and faith inspiring. So, this contributed to the paranoia.

I work in a psychiatric prison, and sometimes, our patients experience paranoia based on basically the same thing.  They may not be English speaking. Or, they may be so naive and unaware of the prison culture, that they simply have no concept of what is occurring around them, and how people in prison are inclined to lie, extort, take advantage, and in general dominate others any way they can.

I never thought about it, but I can understand how this would contribute to paranoia, and I would be susceptible to such paranoia in those circumstances.

The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend... Sort of

Neither Sake nor Haiku are very happy about having TLK in the house.  Haiku, being so much more mellow, is more accepting.   Sake is just mean and bitter.  Haiku is breaking the rules, and more and more, exerting her place, and sitting where Sake is: both on the sofa back, both in the open window in my bedroom (each on their own side), both on the bed at the same time, and not separated by as much bed as possible.  

So, either Haiku thinks the enemy of my enemy is my friend, or, since she is no longer "low man on the totem pole" she has more confidence that allows her to exert herself.

Deadly Medicine

I have talked about going to the Texas Tech Museum to see the traveling exhibit "Deadly Medicine" http://www.ushmm.org/museum/exhibit/traveling/details/index.php?content=deadly_medicine&type=current from the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum.  I went today to hear a guided tour.  The tour was okay, and then I went through part of the exhibit. I did not complete it due to time constraints, and am hoping to return, maybe even tomorrow, to complete it. There is a LOT of information in this fairly small exhibit. It is in Lubbock until August 7, 2011, so there is time. And, it travels elsewhere around the country, including Boston.

The sadness of this exhibit is that we do not learn:  since World War II, there have been so many incidents of genocide in Europe, Asia and Africa.  The United States was slow to desegregate the Afro-Americans, and even slower to elevate the Native Americans to a respected group.  We still have racism, and we still have prejudice, lessons we have not learned from our own history and the history of the world.  We are trying. I can not say how much better we are doing. Many of the women in one of my book discussion clubs thinks we are treating Muslims much the same.  In many ways, I agree. 

I think we have some personal and political hysteria that every Muslim is bad, and we are vulnerable to attack from them.  Lubbock has a mosque, and on multiple occasions, it has been vandalized. http://lubbockonline.com/stories/102606/loc_102606030.shtml The community as a whole despairs at these attacks, but obviously, they have happened.  Many of the larger Christian churches in the community, after 9-11-2001, spent Sunday School time studying Islam.  That is such an enlightened response to that attack, it made me proud. 

I have learned some about Islam as many prisoners are Islamic. And, I am just interested in being more aware and open minded, if I can be, and education helps.

So, I am grateful to be able to view the "Deadly Medicine" display. I am grateful to learn about more about the horrors I of which I already knew, so maybe I can be more mindful if dignity, respect, civil and human rights as I deal with disenfranchised people in the course of my life.  I am grateful to keep alive the message we must work to stop people from going there again. 

Changing Plans

I had an plan to attend a mystery reading book last night.  I even read the book.  But I also had the opportunity to attend a lecture about the Roma,  "The Genocide of the Roma in the Holocaust," lecture by Ian Hancock, at the Museum of Texas Tech University http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romani_people.   Do you know who the Roma are?  I have heard about gypsies before, and occasionally in writings, I have heard characters described as of Romany decent. But I never really understood what that was referring to.  I knew they were dark, and often described as swarthy.  But beyond that, I did not understand.  I also knew that Hitler and the Nazi regime wanted to eliminate them along with the Jews.  I had no idea how widespread they were. I went to the lecture. It opened a new part of the world to me, something I had little, peripheral information about.  Wow!  That was really exciting.

The lecturer last night explained how the people were from the Indian subcontinent, and how they eventually settled in Europe.  He talked about how they are very clannish, and do not encourage education. He also talked about how they do not usually identify themselves in public. He made a distinction between the Roma, and the Irish gypsies who are Irish and travel in wagons, hence the name gypsy.  He said the Roma were called Gypsies, because people thought they originally came from Egypt.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roma_people;http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romani_people. These articles explain about the Roma. They are consistent with what the speaker said last night. He is a college professor, and he is a Roma.

Lazlo Toth and Corporate America

In the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s I frequently wrote letters to corporate American, generally with complaints, but sometimes with praise regarding the way they conducted business.  I was a fan of Saturday Night Live, and the character by Don Novello, Father Guido Sarducci. At some point in time, he started writing letters to corporate and government individuals, using the name of Lazlo Toth, with some success of response http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_Novello.  I told a supervisor about my penchant for writing to corporations about various things, and she turned me on to Lazlo Toth. He has a few books. I already own a couple, and am ordering another.

I do not write to corporate American with the frequency I used to write, but sometimes, I still do let corporate America know what I am thinking.  Maybe I need to do more of that.  (Maybe we all do.)

Most recently, I wrote to the people who market the Acura http://www.acura.com/ModelLanding.aspx?model=TL. Their marketing campaign calls the car "aggressive."  I think we have too much aggression in society, and touting a car as aggressive will only add to our ills. An aggressive car begs for the driver to engage in road rage with no abandon, and no regard for consequences. 

I have sent a snail mail letter to the car company about my concerns.  But really, folks, are they not smart enough and wise enough to realize that advertising a car as aggressive is inviting road rage.  Are they not smart enough to realize that someone being sued for road rage will blame their advertisement as the precipitating or influencing factor?

Doing Better

Years ago, I was at a training of some sort, and the comment was made that life is a series of relapses.  It is an interesting concept, and one that I think holds true. And, it does not necessarily apply to drug use or alcohol use, or even illness, although that is the context in which we usually think of relapse.

We go through periods of taking really good care of ourselves physically, then we slack off.  We might diet very carefully, then not pay attention to what we eat, or we gain back weight we lost, or eat the wrong foods, or too little food.  We may have episodes of insomnia in our lives, then we sleep well.  We may exercise regularly, then for some reason, do not have the time, mental or physical energy, or have ill health that interferes with exercising.

The list is endless: we may be diligent about housework, then decide something else is more important. We may have a garden one year, and decide not to worry about the yard and garden the next.  We may become involved in a craft, but then lose interest.  We may study for a degree or pleasure, then decide not to tax our brain.  We may follow sports very closely, then decide to put our time elsewhere. Or, we become discouraged by the performance of a once winning team that is now in a losing cycle.  We may be very active in our community, and then we may decide we have had enough.

I am not sure if life is a series of relapses, but it seems to me, we do cycle a great deal.  And, knowing this, we can expect that there are times in our lives when we are in a down cycle. And, in an up cycle.  

And, being in a down cycle does not mean we are at rock bottom, just we are not doing as well as we would like.  Just like being in an up cycle does not mean we have "arrived," just that we are doing better. So, in a down cycle, we know we can work to turn the corner, and go up. As with when we are doing better, maybe it is the best we can hope for, but that is not so bad. And, we can try not to start a down spin.

Maybe thinking in terms of life going in cycles can give us a perspective on where we are today, and where we would like to be; what part of the cycle we are in, and what we can do to correct or maintain it.

 

Deadly Medicine and Corollary Activity

The Texas Tech University Museum has a presentation on the medical procedures of the German Third Reich, aptly named   Deadly Medicine: Creating the Master Race, in the Diamond M Gallery  http://www.depts.ttu.edu/museumttu/exhsch11.html.  I have not seen the exhibit yet, but plan to do so, soon.

Tonight, some friends joined me at a panel presentation about the Holocaust: 

Panel Presentation by Speakers from the US Holocaust Memorial Museum, .



Marc Masurovsky - “Landscapes of Experience: The January 1945 Evacuations of the Auschwitz Camp Complex”


Martin Dean - “Spearate Jewish Residential Districts - Documenting the Universe of Nazi Ghettos”

Fabulous! Very interesting, and very sad, about the atrocities during World War II, and the perpetrators, survivors, victims, and witnesses.  Hmmm.

And, another learning piece from history, but have we learned?

One of the speakers talked about how the survivors said the slightest, smallest act of help provided hope. 

I see this sometimes at the prison.  Just paying attention to someone gives them hope.  Especially the patients with life sentences, or with no family contact.

Emily Dickinson said it so well:

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

The Right Tools

What makes an expert is someone who knows what needs to be done, how to do it, when to do it, and someone who has the right tools.

I recently worked on a knitting project, and needed a specific size circular needle. A circular needle has two working ends, and a smaller flexible cord that allows the stitches to slide back and forth to the working ends.  I could not find the size I needed made by a brand with which I was familiar.  So, I purchased a needle of an unknown brand.  The price was reasonable, and I was able to use the needle to complete the project I was working on. 

But....one of the beauties of the circular needles is that the stitches slide smoothly to the working ends without any extra motion or effort by the knitter. The needles by the unfamiliar brand had a "lip" where the connecting cord met the working ends.  So, to get the stitches onto the working end, I had to physically push the stitches, instead of just sliding them.  This was inconvenient, slowed down my knitting rhythm, but was not unworkable.  But, if I can find a better circular needle of that size, I will obtain it for the next time I need it for a project.

So, am I saying I am a knitting expert? No. I am just commenting on the importance of the right tools.

Expanding Your Limits

Recently, I was asked to work on a knitting project for someone. The request included selecting a pattern which I had not worked on before, and which required me to expand my skills and capabilities as a knitter. Although I felt I was up to the task, I faced the project with some trepidation.  However, it has gone much more smoothly than I had anticipated.  I faced some blocks along the way, when I felt sure the project was not going to turn out as I had hoped.  But, ultimately, it seems to have gone well.  I am not done, I have a little more knitting to do. But what remains to be done is well within my skill level and past experience.

It is good to be challenged to expand one's limits and horizons. It helps to build self esteem. It helps to foster creativity. And it certainly can develop a sense of accomplishment.  Additionally, if the experience is positive it can add to a sense of pleasure and even well being.

If the experience does not turn out so well, we can still use it as a positive learning experience. Perhaps it becomes a matter of knowing what we do not like, once we try something. Or, acknowledging what we learned, what we learned not to do, what we learned to do differently next time. Experience, positive or negative,  is still growth and life expanding.

The Comfort of Lullabies: "A Lullaby Story"

I went to a baby shower tonight.  A coworker is due to deliver a child in April. It is popular where I live to do such activities in restaurants:  each participant is responsible for their meal, no one has to worry about housekeeping in anticipation of guests, and we can have or not have those silly games.

This was a really nice shower. The couple is one of those young but wise beyond their years couples that are so rare these days.  The mother received a "quotations book" on her 18th birthday that she still treasures, so asked us to contribute to such a book for her son. There were a lot of wonderfully creative and thoughtful gifts. 

The group gathered truly were folks who care for each other and enjoy each other's company.  It was just nice.

The parents had a gift for each participant:  A CD called "A Lullaby Story" which is a collection of lullaby songs. I am sitting here listening to it, and finding myself very comforted by the songs. That is what lullabies are all about.  This couple included in this CD "Morning Has Broken"  and "Good Morning" from "Singing In The Rain."  Well, isn't that what lullabies are all about? Assurances that morning will come and when it does, there will be good things to encounter as the world awakens and we face a new day..

Of Course, I Am Tired

Last night, I awoke about 3 AM after having a dream about dogs invading my old Victorian style house (I do not have an old Victorian style house). I could not get the dogs out, and I could not keep up with cleaning after them.  My cats, some what miraculously, were safe.  But the dogs were hell bent on destruction.

I actually have an idea about the message that this dream was sending to me. It is a recurrent theme, and one upon which I will have to take action soon. And should have taken action sooner.  Dreams are amazing.

The News is Depressing

I am reminded tonight why I do not watch a lot of news shows on TV, or the semi-news shows. Tonight, for an hour, I watched a show on PBS about for profit universities. This may not be the exact link to the show, but you will get the drift: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/collegeinc/view/. 

It was really depressing.  Although the for profits offer opportunities, they offer the pitfalls of higher education at much greater the price than public education.  And there was indication that their recruiters are under even higher pressure than the pressure placed on government or religious based institutes of higher education recruiters. And, they may not be above board about their outcomes and accreditation.  So people who use them may not obtain the results that they were lead to believe they would obtain.

This did not surprise me.  I think I am discerning enough to recognize that for profit education runs some risks, and while I may not have stated all of them, intuitively, these are some of the risks that I would have expected.

The sad part about this story is that it is a story of people who are honestly and earnestly trying to better themselves so they can enter into the job market, develop a career, make something of themselves, and otherwise improve their lot in life. And the scamsters may or may not be taking advantage of them, and their desperation, but it is a fine line. And, as with any fine line, many will cross either way.

Learning from the Past

This past week, the book group discussed The Postmistress by Sarah Blake.  There were many different themes in the book, but one was that two of the three main female characters violated their work ethics due to very extra-ordinary circumstances, precipitated by war.  One of the characters in the book said "Pay attention."  Well, this leads me to think that we do NOT pay attention, We do not learn from our past, and we repeat our mistakes over and over again. And many of our mistakes precipitate war, or prolong war.  What is wrong with us?

Consistency

Consistency is important in life.  It does not matter what you are doing, consistency is important.

If you are engaged in sports, consistent play is important.  Of course, consistent good play is more important. But showing up day after day and doing your best is important.

If you work, consistency is important.  Frankly, a stellar employee who is not there everyday and is not reliable, is not a stellar employee.  A plodder who gets the job done, time after time, is a real asset.

A friend who is there for you regularly is important.

A service that is reliably received is important.

There are plenty of surprises in life, and some are good, but for day to day life, reliability and consistency help us to manage daily...

Bitter Cold

It is winter on the South Plains.  We are experiencing a polar blast, and yesterday, by late afternoon, the air temperature turned bitter cold.  It continued today, not getting above freezing.  We are anticipating the continuation of bitter cold for a couple of more days, warming to above freezing during the day, but still being bitter cold at night.

What has made this cold even more frigid is the very strong north wind. It is driving and biting. There are many people in this part of the world who are experiencing frozen pipes.  If your plumbing is susceptible to freezing, do what you can to protect those pipes:  use heat tapes; keep cabinets open, open the faucets and allow a trickle of water to run.  

Water/ice is an unusual compound: ice is lighter than water, and floats.  It also expands so when pipes freeze, then thaw, they sometimes break. Hopefully, if your pipes have frozen, they thawed safely.

Recognition

Recognition is important in our lives.  It comes in many forms.  Birthday greetings are a form of recognition.  The one day out of the year we remember to tell people we are glad that they are in our lives. If simply by saying "Happy Birthday."  It is not difficult nor does it cost anything.  But it means a lot to people. Cards, cakes, and gifts are nice, but really, those are also statements of recognizing someone's special day. 

Well done is another thing we do not say much. But we should.  If I do something and someone tells me I did well, it means a lot to me. Because I know that, I try to tell people when they do things well, too.

Thank you.  A heartfelt thank you is an awesome way to let someone know you appreciate them.  And saying "I appreciate you" vs. "I appreciate it" can be heartwarming.

Certificates are another simple thing that recognizes someone, are not expensive, but give a positive message to people. 

There are so many easy yet meaningful ways to recognize people, yet this tends to be something we fail to do regularly.   Maybe I can start by saying thank you to anyone who reads my blog, and letting you know I appreciate feedback and comments.

Patience

A co-worker and I were talking about a very good movie that I was not able to force myself to sit through because it has subtitles.  I explained that I am usually multi-tasking when I watch a movie (at home) so subtitles were distressing to me.  I have the opportunity to see the movie in a setting where I would pretty much be just watching the movie, so I am considering it...

My coworker asked me what I do when I go to a movie theater, and I said "Suffer." Which is sort of true.  I am very impatient during the pre-show, announcements, trailers for new releases, etc.  But I am very selective about the movies I go to the theater to watch, and am usually pretty much involved in the story.  But if I am not, I do suffer.

I was re-reading my post from 2-2-11 and realized that both with cooking and watching movies, I do not have much patience. I do not think that is new.  In fact, that has been a hallmark of mine for many years.

One of the hardest things for me to learn, when I went to work at the prison was to be patient:  there are just times during the day when I can not see patients.  There are just times when the officers who bring patients out to see clinicians are too busy to do that part of their job. There is just down time in this job.  It was a most distressing feeling for the longest time, but eventually I learned to slow it down, but also be prepared to do something different when I can not see patients on my schedule.

Pressing

Last week, a co-worker paid me in advance for a knitting project.  I felt an obligation to complete it quickly, and I did. 

Since then, I have taken on several other knitting project orders.  Additionally, I have several books that I want to read, and the deadlines (books due, discussion club dates) are looming.  So, I am feeling like I want to work on those on a regular basis.  And, do the knitting.  I can watch TV and knit at the same time, but not read and watch TV.  And, I can not read and knit.

So, I have been keeping myself consistently busy.  In addition, I have had some other projects, all of which I enjoy, but take time.

And, I am feeling behind at work, so it is not unusual for me to spend between 9 and 10 hours at work, instead of 8 plus lunch.

I was visiting on the phone tonight with a friend. I could not focus to even think what to talk about. She made the point I need to rest and de-stress, wind down.  She was right. (Thank you.)  Although I enjoy reading and knitting, doing it under an even self imposed deadline puts the pressure on.  So, maybe I have been pressing too much, and I needed a night off. 

I took one.  I have knitted some, and read some, but I spent some time with mindless solitaire.  It helps my brain to empty out.

Which is good.  The fact that I have been unable to keep up with regular blogging was an early sign that my brain was too tense, too overwhelmed to relax as it needed to. It still is, but I am feeling a little better tonight...

Volunteering

At various times in my life, I have spent some time and effort volunteering in various community activities.  It takes time, but I am always amazed at how much more I get out of volunteering than I am asked to give.

Recently, I was elected to the board of directors of a well thought of social service agency in my community.  My term started in January, and I have attended three activities relating to this.  I am delighted to say all three activities have been delightful.  I know that hard work is involved in being on community boards, but hard work does not have to be a horrendous experience.  I think, with this board, it will not be.