Patience

A co-worker and I were talking about a very good movie that I was not able to force myself to sit through because it has subtitles.  I explained that I am usually multi-tasking when I watch a movie (at home) so subtitles were distressing to me.  I have the opportunity to see the movie in a setting where I would pretty much be just watching the movie, so I am considering it...

My coworker asked me what I do when I go to a movie theater, and I said "Suffer." Which is sort of true.  I am very impatient during the pre-show, announcements, trailers for new releases, etc.  But I am very selective about the movies I go to the theater to watch, and am usually pretty much involved in the story.  But if I am not, I do suffer.

I was re-reading my post from 2-2-11 and realized that both with cooking and watching movies, I do not have much patience. I do not think that is new.  In fact, that has been a hallmark of mine for many years.

One of the hardest things for me to learn, when I went to work at the prison was to be patient:  there are just times during the day when I can not see patients.  There are just times when the officers who bring patients out to see clinicians are too busy to do that part of their job. There is just down time in this job.  It was a most distressing feeling for the longest time, but eventually I learned to slow it down, but also be prepared to do something different when I can not see patients on my schedule.

Revelations, or as a niece would say, epiphanies

The trail to this epiphany is a little circuitous, but I will explain that some of it includes that I have started reading "The Gospel According to Oprah" by Marcia Z. Nelson... There were somethings in the beginning of the book that made me realize something about time: Most of you may be familiar with the Bible verses about there being a time for every season or purpose... Being a raised Catholic, I can not quote chapter and verse... The Byrds, in the 60s or 70s released a song, "Turn, Turn, Turn" which expresses the idea that there is a time for every season under heaven....(a time to be born, a time to die, etc). I have always understood this to mean that there is a time of year or a timeline for every event that happens



What I have not understood, until today, is that there is time for EVERY event that happens, under Heaven.. I mean, whatever is happening right now, right this minute, is allowed as much time as it needs, as it takes.... This means that I have permission, the right, the OBLIGATION, if you will, to take as much time as I need to, to experience this event that is happening right now... I know that for years I have not been able to wait patiently, sit still, not multi-task, because I was rushing through life, perhaps without allowing time for the event at hand...What have I missed... What could I or should I have taken the time to experience?



So, for whatever is now happening, I have time to experience it, if I allow myself that time... what a revelation..



Part of this epiphany includes an experience while I was undergoing a medical procedure recently... The technician was asking me if I was in a hurry to go on to something else, explaining that her week had been full of people who were in a hurry to go on to something else, including one person who was trying to catch a plane...



I told her I used to be like that, but have learned, a long time ago, not to put myself in that position... I go to my appointments with nothing pending, nothing to rush for... I have always been blessed with
jobs with sick leave, but did not appreciate the time it allowed me... I have generally been blessed with jobs with flexible schedules, but again, did not appreciate the time it allowed me....Now, I just go, and accept the procedure at hand is the primary task, and whatever I can do to make waiting pleasant is a blessing.

I realized this when I heard a young mother ask when their turn for care would occur... They were "walk-ins" who had been waiting a while, and also needed to get some lab work done before closing, and it was getting late. The receptionist agreed to "hold" their spot, while they went for the lab work... I was thinking about how many times I had angrily asked when "my turn" would occur...I was so rude. What made me think my time was so important, I was so special, that I did not have to wait my turn... (what a jerk I was.)

I am grateful to have this revelation of time: to know that what I am doing is the most important thing I can and should be doing at this time, for this time of my life...