Wearing My Religion On My Sleeve

I was born and raised a Roman Catholic.  At one point in my life, I read at Mass, attended daily mass at St. John's Church http://www.christianchurchesonline.com/scripts/hostedsites/org.asp?p=1&ID=2548  in Millers Falls , and frequently at Cornell University and the College of Our Lady of the Elms,  and even graduated from a Roman Catholic college, The College of Our Lady of the Elms  http://www.elms.edu/.

After graduating from Our Lady of the Elms, , I accepted a position at Catholic Family Service, Inc. for the Diocese of Amarillo, http://cfsama.com/ but was stationed in Lubbock, Texas. Eventually, the Diocese of Lubbock was created, and Catholic Family Service, Inc. in Lubbock http://www.cfslubbock.org/ was also created. I worked there ten years, before I moved on to other employment.  But my admiration, respect and caring for the agency has not diminished.

A few years ago, there was a 25th anniversary of the agency, and I attended. I was asked about being a committee or board member, and I applied. I am on the PR/Membership committee, and this year, was elected to the board.  I was delighted but intimidated. I am honored to serve, but do not have deep pockets, business or money contacts that board members are often asked to utilize. 

I am delighted that the new director has asked me to contribute in regards to professional areas: licensing, supervision, documentation training, and planning for counseling.  What an honor.

I do not wear my religion on my sleeve.  I do pray, daily. But I do not make a show of it.  I start my day with a thanks to God. I pray at other times during the day, but not do so that anyone would notice. 

I have several colleagues who wear their religion on their sleeve: they pray noticeably, and otherwise discuss their religious practices.  I am not comfortable with that. I think God knows what I am doing and why, and I do not need to proselytize, because as a professional social worker, using my influence to proselytize would be an abuse of power.  I am not criticizing my colleagues who pray openly.  I am just saying that my faith in God, which does not change, is private, and also offers others the opportunity to have private but hopeful interfaces with the Maker.

So it Rained. Finally.

Well, we had a chance of precipitation, and early this morning, a storm line blew threw.  There was wind, thunder, lightning, some hail up to golf ball size, and rain. It started about 5:10 or so AM. I was wakened by the thunder and the weather radio.  I stayed awake, but moved to the sofa and just relaxed. Storms do that to me.  I had The Weather Channel on, for updates.  

My rain gauge, which seems to "under report" indicated a little less than a half inch of rain. The hail was so sparse, no damage occurred. By this afternoon, the wind, which blew all day, had dried the fields and dust was blowing, once again. 

Yesterday, I did not open the windows because of the heat.  Today, I have opened the house, in hopes of cooling it down, but it takes a while.

Thank God for the rain!

Desert Snow

Writing about the desert brings to mind  a trip I made from Lubbock, TX to Phoenix, AZ in December 2004.  There was a slight winter storm, so snow covered the desert. 

I remember year after year of magical snows in New England: the snow, especially powdery snow, made the world look like a crystal kingdom.  It coated everything and sparkled in the sunlight. At night, in the moon light it still sparkled.

This trip into the desert was also magical. The snow was a fine accent on the geological and plant features along the way. It sparkled and highlighted the outlines with a sharp contrast to the features.  It was awesomely beautiful.

Years ago, when I still lived in New England, I read a story about a family who were spending Christmas in the desert. They missed the snow and cold, but found a tumbleweed tree, and decorated it, and shared their Christmas spirit with other folks in the campgrounds.  When I drove through this winter storm in the desert, it reminded me of that story and its message about relationships and human connections. It swelled my heart, and as I re-tell this tonight, it swells my heart again.

The desert is not devoid of life and human connection.  We just have to open our minds, our eyese and our hearts to know what is there.

The Little Kitty

I really do not want another cat. I have two, and the balance of acceptance between them is precarious at best. Even as adults, after 8 and a half years, they do not always get along.  It is rare they can both be on the bed at the same time.  It is rare they can both be on the sofa at the same time.  The only place they can both be at the same time regularly is the garage. I am not in there, so I do not know what kind of aggression or abuse occurs in the garage, if any.

Yesterday afternoon, I found a very listless kitten in my backyard. I knew of this kitten's existence for about a week, and the mother seemed to be feeding it, although the mother did not spend a lot of time with this kitten (and it's litter mate, whom I found dead, later on yesterday.)

I really thought the kitten was dead at first, and brought it into the house to wrap it to put it in the dumpster.  Dummy me. The kitten was alive.  I quickly made some powdered milk with melted butter in it, and dropped some food into the kitten after I finally found the medicine dropper. I put it in a cushioned basket, and went to a nearby pet store, where I got some kitty formula and nursing bottles.

I tried several times to get the kitten to drink, and it was very resistant. I could only get it to take drops.  Although the guides say to feed a kitten every 2-4 hours (depending on the guide), I decided to let it sleep through the night, and see what I could do in the morning. 

So, in the morning, I got drops down the kitten.  I was talking to a friend about this, and recounted, how, once when I was tending an orphaned calf, he did not want to eat.  We added Karo syrup (sugar syrup) to the formula, because I knew that farmers put molasses on hay for cows in the northeast, to stimulate their appetite.  So, I made up some sugar water, and used it for mixing the powdered kitten milk. I do not know if it was the sugar water, or strength from the little milk the kitten was consuming, or prayers answered by God, but the little kitten had a good dinner later afternoon.  

Early evening, I fed the kitten again, and again it had a good meal, as compared to the drops it was taking earlier today, and last night.  I have to think it is the sugar water, and our faith that what should be will be.

Prayer

I am not officially involved in an organized religion. But I do believe in the power of prayer. I live in a part of the world where "The Power of Prayer" was part of a weekly newscast. People in the part of the world sometimes wear their religion on their sleeve (but are no more free of human failings as anywhere else in the world.)

But I do believe in the power of prayer.  My niece told me to watch Shadowlands http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108101/ for the comment by C S Lewis about prayer, that it does not change God, but it changes him (paraphrased).

We are facing serious budget cuts in the State of Texas, which may impact employment, including my own. A coworker told me she prays about it. I have found that my prayer regarding my own circumstances has allowed me to reach a certain equanimity about the situation. 

Now, I realize, I need to pray for the recipients of government programs, that their well being will be considered and tended to during this time of budget cuts.

Where Does Your Gratitude Lay?

Where does your gratitude lay?  I am so thankful. There are so many things for which I am grateful:  I have a good job, with really fine co-workers, supervisors, and a meaningful mission.

I have a home. I have people who care about me: family, friends, colleagues.

I have a relatively safe environment in which to live.

I have pets who offer me companionship and pleasure.

I have a variety of social and interest activities in which I engage.

I enjoy learning. 

I have relatively good health, although my age has slowed me down some.

I live in a country in which my well being and safety is protected as well as can be. The threat of revolt, uprising, violence is minimal at this time.

I live in an age in which technology has improved our lives, made our lives safer, and opened up the world to us. 

I have faith that God is good, takes good care of me and my fellow man, and blesses me in my daily life.

Vulnerability and Victimization

I can not help but thinking about how many times I have placed my self in a very vulnerable positions over the years.   Sometimes it was lack of judgement, naivete, stupidity, or trust.  For whatever reason, from all those episodes I have escaped relatively unscathed. Some have changed my life, but even so, the changes were not necessarily for the worst. Just sent me down a road I had not anticipated.

I think God is to thank, and I do, for taking care of me.  Children and fools are well cared for by God.  He is good to me.

The Day the World Came to Town

I have written about Gander, Newfoundland before, when I watched the documentary about the international airline flights diverted there immediately after 9/11/2001.  Read about Tom Brokaw working on the story: http://www.cbc.ca/canada/newfoundland-labrador/story/2009/09/17/brokaw-newfoundland.html



Read about it at the Gander Airport website http://www.ganderairport.com/911.htm


Well, I finally read the book: which Jim DeFede wrote: "The Day The World Came to Town."
http://www.harpercollins.com/book/index.aspx?isbn=9780060559717.  I will say that the book was everything I had hoped it would be:  It recounted the history of the attacks, gave a brief history of the Gander Airport, and then told the story of the town and the "plane people."  Not all was goodness and light.  It was a real story, with some less than positive moments, but what would we expect under such dire circumstances.  Overall, however, it was a most feel good, inspiring story of people reaching out and taking care of people...Just amazing!


I would highly recommend it, if you have not read it...

The Seventh Inning Stretch

I am sure I have written about this before, but watching New York Yankee baseball always brings this to mind:  the seventh inning stretch.

As a salute to America, the weekend baseball games of Major League Baseball include a rendition of "God Bless America" during the seventh inning stretch. Many of the television stations that televise these games show this...

At Yankee Stadium in New York City, "God Bless America" is performed during every seventh inning stretch.

It is good that "America's Pastime" salutes America in such a patriotic, respectful way...

It's God

I have recently received several emails or attachments to emails that basically say when things come together, "It's God," or if things do not come together the way we want, "It's God." 

I have to say that I believe this is so true.  We do have free will and can make what choices we want to make, but I see the hand of God in my choices so many times.

I think of all the times I thought I wanted to leave Lubbock, and had some plan or other to do so...Every time, something stepped in to stop me...

I believe it was the hand of God, guiding me along the way so I would be in the right place to do the work I do at the psychiatric prison where I work...

I very often say things to patients that seem to resonate with them so well... But those are not my words...  I believe that God gives me those words, not so I can proselytize, because I do not discuss religion, but so I can offer comfort or wisdom or assistance or solace to the patient with whom I am speaking.

I am frequently reminded, and frequently remind people, that we should not pray for our wishes, but for the strength and wisdom from God to endure or thrive in the setting he has provided for us.

A niece told me about the movie Shadowlands http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108101/.  In it C S Lewis is asked about his habit of prayer.  The gist of the comments he makes is that prayer does not change God, but changes him...

It's God.

Cemetery Rounds

Recently, a cousin and I had the opportunity to make the rounds of the cemeteries where so many of our loved ones are buried... We identified the grave sites, read the headstones or plaques, sometimes pulled weeds and grass and then, went on...

What is the point?  I think for everyone, the point is different.  For me, I say I am going to visit the person buried at the site.  Not to see the grave, but the person... I do not see ghosts, emanations or any such auras.  I just have a sense of going to visit the person interred...

For me, the point is to acknowledge the person.  Their life, their memory. 

It also gives me a sense of peace, of centeredness, and oneness with those who have come before, and hopefully, those who will come after....

All Things Happen For A Reason

I said this to my family today. But it bears repeating... And has more detail...

Since December of 2005, I have borne an incredibly difficult load at work.. A caseload double what most everyone else had. In the spring of 2006, a new psychiatrist signed on... He spent a week with another psychiatrist, then started working one of the pods I worked. The tenured psychiatrist told me they (the other psychiatrists) figured I could help him learn the ropes... The days and months past, and the double case load continued. The new psychiatrist learned his way.

Working with psychiatrically ill people can be draining, and it was. I began to have less and less energy for my life... I was stuck in an unsatisfying relationship.. My mother was very ill. I had too much emotional stress to be able to be a human being. I worked a lot of overtime, but the few times I wanted to do something really special, I did. Taking time off was cumbersome: getting ready was tiring, but returning to the undone load was exhausting...

But, it was what needed to be done, given the staffing pattern at the time. All things happen for a reason..

I was trying to figure out a very emotionally crippling relationship.. I could not do that and survive at work. Work for me has always been a grounding, a constant, even though, more than once, it has impinged on my personal life... It did again. But, supportively, taking over when I needed it to take over, because I could not deal with my life...I ditched the relationship...

Slowly, slowly, I started sorting out the life I wanted to live. Another new provider came on, and I was able to show him the ropes, too... A compliment, a blessing... But as I did some of the emotional chains were loosened.

Sadly, my Mother died, but in her passing a release of tension occurred. Over the summer, I have regained a desire to do the fun things I did before. And the strength to do them no matter what companionship or lack there of there is....

And, now, at work, the prospect of a changed assignment, and maybe, with that, a different load, hopefully, a lighter load... Things happen for a reason.

When I carried the heavy load at work, I could not, did not want to deal with my life.. Now that I am wanting to deal with my life, there is a prospect to lighten my load at work...

God is good....